Well, well, well, the Washington Commanders have made their moves in the 2023 NFL Draft, and it’s time to dissect their selections. Prepare yourself for a rollercoaster ride of hope, hilarity, and a healthy dose of sarcasm as we break down each pick.

Round 1, No. 16: Emmanuel Forbes, CB, Mississippi State
Ah, the classic cornerback pick. Washington had their hearts set on an offensive lineman, but when those were snatched away, they decided to go with Forbes. Apparently, he’s the second-best corner in the draft, right behind the illustrious Devon Witherspoon. Let’s hope Forbes brings some much-needed pizzazz to the Commanders’ secondary. Maybe he can even teach them a thing or two about catching interceptions.

Round 2, No. 47 overall: Jartavius Martin, DB, Illinois
Oh, look, another defensive back. Washington really wanted to make sure their secondary is airtight, or at least that’s what they’re telling us. Martin is a versatile player who can fill in at the slot or safety positions. With Bobby McCain out of the picture, Martin better step up and show us that he’s the real deal. We need some excitement back there, and by excitement, I mean interceptions. Lots and lots of interceptions.

Round 3, No. 97*: Ricky Stromberg, C/G, Arkansas
Ah, the unsung heroes of the game, the offensive linemen. Stromberg is here to save the day, or at least provide some much-needed depth on the line. He can play center or guard, which is great because we all know injuries happen, and Washington loves surprises. So, Ricky, get ready to step in when someone inevitably goes down. Just remember, you’re the unsung hero, so don’t expect any fancy headlines.

Round 4, No. 118: Braeden Daniels, OL, Utah
Oh, look, another offensive lineman! Are we seeing a trend here? Daniels brings versatility to the table, having played both tackle and guard positions. Washington loves versatility almost as much as they love drafting linemen. So, Braeden, get ready to compete for a starting spot and maybe even add a touch of excitement to the trenches. Just don’t get too excited; we don’t want any false starts.

Round 5, No. 137 (from Arizona through Buffalo): K.J. Henry, DE, Clemson
Ah, the fifth round, where dreams are made and hopes are dashed. Henry, a defensive end from Clemson, enters the picture to provide some much-needed depth. Let’s hope he can bring some magic to the pass rush and give Montez Sweat and Chase Young a breather. Who knows, maybe he’ll be the surprise star of the defense. Or maybe he’ll disappear into oblivion faster than a Washington football name-change suggestion.

The Washington Commanders certainly made their moves in the draft, addressing needs and collecting players like precious trading cards. Now, it’s time for these rookies to step up and prove their worth. Will they be the heroes Washington needs, or will they fade into the abyss of draft busts? Only time will tell, my friends. Only time will tell.